


Jumbled Mess Healing

by Diary



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Bechdel Test Fail, Canon Gay Character, Established Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Introspection, Love, M/M, POV Aaron Dingle, POV Male Character, POV Queer Character, Past Child Abuse, Past Incest, Past Rape/Non-con, Romance, Scars, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-27 07:45:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8393104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: Aaron's thoughts on his scars, Robert, and their engagement. Complete.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Emmerdale.

The first time he takes his shirt off with Robert, he’s too stupidly lust-addled to stop and think about whether he wants to or not, and Robert doesn’t seem to give them any special attention. His hands and mouth are everywhere on Aaron’s body, and afterwards, it’s much the same with just his idly stroking fingers and occasional pressing palm.

Robert brings them up in the gay bar, and Aaron resolves to keep his top on from then on.

He does for a while, but eventually, Robert gets him too into things to think about protesting.

After the scrapyard, he swears he’ll never touch Robert again and never let Robert touch him.

Of course, Robert has to go all- something. He won’t kiss Aaron, but he will wrap an arm around him, sit with him, make him laugh, ease his pain and crying without complaint. He’ll get kicked by a little fourteen-year-old in order to get Aaron’s wallet back.

Aaron supposes he should have been grateful, but part of him knew it would have been a mistake, and part of him- deliberately making the mistake would have just been another way of hurting himself, he supposes. He wanted to run, he wanted to fight, he wanted to see his little sister he hadn’t in years and the stepmum he genuinely loved as kid, and he wanted to make sure he never, ever had to see either. He wanted his dad gone, and he wanted his dad, the one before that night when he was eight, back.

Robert had been kind and helpful, and kissing him would have been a thanks, it would have felt good, it would have likely been something he’d regret soon after.

Shortly after the trial, Robert tugged Aaron’s shirt off, and Aaron let him. He wanted to rely on Robert, but if he couldn’t, it would be better to find out soon rather than later.

Now, Robert traces the scar on Aaron’s arm and talks about losing him.

He’s known Robert, truly known him, almost since they first met. Robert is the type to hurt people when things are bad. Robert lied about Katie, but he didn’t intentionally kill her, and Aaron’s always known this. Robert loves his little sister unconditionally, the same way Aaron loves Liv. Robert has a jumbled mess of good and bad in him, and the same way Aaron can see this, Robert can see Aaron’s own jumbled mess of the two, too.

For almost as long as he’s known Robert, Aaron’s loved him, and this wasn’t always a good thing, but right now, it is. Saying no would be the mistake in this instance, and there might be times Aaron relapses in the future, but right now, he has absolutely no desire to hurt himself.

“Robert, will you marry me?”

In response, the kiss is even softer, warmer, and more healing than the finger tracing the scar.


End file.
